Ok, so a little background here. . . We all know that Jordan came back to Boston from L.A. And when Woody was in trouble out there in the debacle episode that was "Sunset Division" he called her to hook him up with someone to help. That someone was Hector Chirullo. Now, Woody made the assumption that he and Jordan had been together ~ an assumption Jordan didn't bother to correct. But what if Hector and Jordan were just really good platonic friends and Jordan wanted to have a little fun with Woody. . .?
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Jordan. . .
So Woody's in L.A. ~ again. And in some kind of trouble. And now. . . Ok, sometimes I'm really evil, I admit it. But the urge to mess with his mind a little is just too strong. Especially after he assumed that Hec's my "angry Latino ex-boyfriend." Granted, I did nothing to correct that assumption with my "we had some. . .issues. . ." thing. But hey. . .! Now ~ better make a phone call quick.
"Chirullo."
"Hector? How's it going dude?"
"Jordan? Jordan Cavanaugh? What are you doing? Where the hell are you, baby?"
"It's good. I'm back in Boston."
"Babe, you crazy? You leave the sunny life here in So Cal and go back to the cold of Boston?"
"Hey, you know me Hec. I go where the jobs take me."
"Yeah, yeah. So what's up?"
"I need a favor dude."
"What kind of favor we talking about?"
"There's this guy. And. . ."
"You need me to come out there and beat someone up? Is someone hurting my baby sis?"
"No, no. It's just. . . Hell Hec, I'm not sure what this is, but it could be something."
"Ok. So whacha want me to do about it?"
"He's going to call you. He's in L.A. for some reason. And he got himself into some kind of scrape out there while he was supposed to be quail hunting. . ."
"Quail? Only quail out here's at the zoo. Or maybe in some fancy restaurant."
"No, no. God you make me laugh! He was supposed to be in Wisconsin and I don't really know what happened. But he called and wanted me to hook him up with someone who maybe could help him. So I gave him your number."
"Alright, alright. I gotcha. So. You gonna tell me what's up with you and him?"
"Hec, man, I'm not even sure I know. I mean, we've kissed. And he said he'd miss me while he was gone."
"Wait a minute. . . Is he a cop?"
"Yeah."
"Jordan, baby, how many times do I gotta tell you? You with a cop ~ it's no good. Not pretty. You get too involved."
"I think he kinda likes that. Anyway, I'm beginning to learn that there are some things I can't control."
"Will wonders never cease? Alright baby, so he's gonna call me?"
"Yeah. Like I said, I'm not sure what he wants or needs. But I'm in the mood to mess with his mind a little. And he thinks you're my 'angry Latino ex-boyfriend' so he's primed. . ."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Can you still do the chili-cheeseburger thing without cracking up?"
"Yeah baby, I still got it. So I'm doing the spurned lover thing again. Ok, I can do it. But you're gonna owe me for this one."
"What's your price?"
"I've got some vacation coming up and after all the games you made me watch on TV, I'd kinda like to see the Red Sox play. And maybe get some of that incredible marinara you can make?"
"And a place to stay? I've just got a loft, but I can do it. Name your date."
"Ok. I'll check the calendar and. . .the other line's ringing. Wonder if that's the boy wonder calling now."
"Oh Hec, if you only knew. . ."
"So I'll call you later. You take care baby girl!"
"Will do Hector! Love ya dude."
The next morning. . .
Jordan. . .
What the heck is taking so long? I thought for sure he'd have called by now. Come on Hector ~ call me! I've got autopsy in ten minutes!
ring. . .ring
"Cavanaugh."
"Baby girl, where did you find him?"
"In a bank here in Boston. It was his first day on the job."
"That is one heck of a boy scout you've got there."
"I don't 'have him,' Hec."
"Yeah baby, whatever you say."
"So come on dude! Details?"
"Bought it hook, line and sinker baby sis! You should have seen his face when I did the 'let me guess, she used you for sex. . .' line. I thought he was going to choke on his tongue. I mean, he tried to play it off, but. . ."
"What did he say?"
"I think his exact words were 'Are we talking about the same Jordan here?'"
"Dude that's awesome!"
"And I don't think the poor boy's even going to look at a chili-cheeseburger again for at least a very long time. And in case you wanted to know, I definitely saw some protective jealousy there."
"Alright. But how is he? Is he. . .?"
"Mixed up with Sunny D, but he seems to be holding his own. I think I'm even gonna help him out with something. Keep his pretty little ass all safe so it can come back to Boston and you."
"Aw, thanks Hector. My hero!"
"You're lucky I love you so much baby girl. . .! So anyway, I looked at the calendar and I'm thinking the middle of June? Like the 15-20 or something?"
"Um, yeah. That looks fine. Can you get a flight on that short of a notice?"
"Already on hold baby. You know me."
"That's right, I do."
"But not in the way pretty boy thinks I do."
"Right. Pretty boy. . .hmmm. . .I'll have to think about that one. I'm kinda partial to Farm Boy myself."
"Baby, how many people know you love that movie?"
"'The Princess Bride'? You and maybe my dad. And it's going to stay that way!"
"Alright, alright! I hear ya. Ok baby girl, I've gotta run. But I'll see you on June 15 ~ I'll call you later with the flight time."
"Ok. Ciao dude!"
"Adios babe!"
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Author's note: Please forgive this re-write and change up of things. I did my research, but I wasn't paying close enough attention. Turns out the Red Sox played Milwaukee 6/8 (the day I wrote this) but it was in Milwaukee. The whole thing SO fit the title of this story, so as the author I took the liberty to re-write things a bit and use a little artistic license and move the game to Boston. Please forgive me!! :0)
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June 8. . .6:00 a.m.
Logan's baggage claim area. . .
Jordan. . .
As it turns out, the only game available while Hector had first planned to visit was on the 15th and he couldn't get a redeye that weekend, but he could the weekend before, so we moved things up a week and here I am, waiting for him. Of course, he had to take another redeye, but it'll work out. The funny thing is they're playing the Brewers! And when Woody saw Dad give me the tickets he won off one of his poker buddies, I thought he was going to throw a fit. Especially when I said that I had a friend coming into town and that's what they were for. And they're awesome tickets!! I tried to be nice and give Wood the other tickets I had already bought, but he said he wouldn't want to go alone. So Nigel jumped in and offered to go with him. Now THAT should be interesting. Nige suggested we meet up at the Pogue afterwards, which will be great since Dad remembered Hector from a visit out to LA while I was there. They got along well, and I know Dad's looking forward to seeing him again. It's gonna be a great day, but man it's way too early to be up and about.
Ok. The flight was supposed to get in at 5:58. I guess I can allow him a little time to do what he needs to do. I'll just go and check the monitor. . . Good. They're at the gate, so he should be on his way down. And then maybe I can go back to bed. I'm guessing Hec's going to want a nap before the game, and I could definitely use some more sleep! I really hate waiting. At least when you could go to the gate there was something to do. Here it's. . .
"Jordan, chica! What the hell are you doing here?" I turned towards the voice and Hector immediately swept me into a huge bear hug and planted a big, but completely platonic kiss on my lips.
"What? I'm picking you up you dork! By the way, it's great to see you!"
"You too. You look good, baby. Boston must really agree with you. Or is it our friend. . .Woody, was it?"
"Must be Boston."
"Oh come on. You mean to tell me. . .?"
"Do you have any checked stuff?"
"Alright, alright. I'll save the third degree for now. There's my duffel. I'll be right back." He returned with a large, slightly beaten up duffel bag and announced that he was ready to go. So we walked through the parking garage to my car.
"Man baby, this is sweet! They must be paying you real good out here."
"Not quite. It's the morgue's car; they just let me use it."
"Ah. Who knew morgues had company cars?"
"Right. So. . .you hungry or sleepy?"
"Both."
"Ok. . ."
"Could we do a nap first and then grab food on the way to the ballpark?"
"Sounds like a plan. I could use some more sleep myself, even if I wasn't cramped into an airplane all night!"
When we got back to my place, I let Hector take the futon and I curled up on the couch ~ after we made sure we set a couple of clocks to wake us up. They worked, and we got up and I worked on throwing some food together while Hector grabbed a shower. Then it was off to Fenway. As we were walking from the lot towards the park, he threw me a complete curve ball. . .
"Jordan, you know I was kidding about the game right?"
"WHAT?!?!?"
"It's cool that we're going, but mainly I just wanted to see you."
"Huh?"
"That guy you were seeing wasn't the only person you left when you came back here. I thought I would have at least warranted a note, me being your Los Angeles big brother and all."
"Oh Hector, I'm sorry. I know I should have. . ."
"Hey, I know you had your reasons. I'll get over it."
"Good."
I handed them the tickets at the gate and we went towards our seats. When we got there, Hector's mouth dropped open in amazement.
"Baby, are we where I think we are?"
"The Green Monster? Yep."
"How the hell. . .?"
"Let's just say Dad's poker playing has improved. He won them off one of his buddies a couple of weeks ago. Otherwise we'd be far, far from here."
"Sweet." We found our seats and settled down.
Then Hector turned to me, his face serious. "Jordan, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"When I said that about being your LA big brother, you flinched. Is there anything. . .?"
"Um. Sort of. But not what you're thinking. But could we talk about it later? I don't want to get into all that mess right now. I promise it has nothing to do with you."
"Ok. You want a hot dog or something?"
"Thanks Hec. That would be awesome!"
It was an amazing game! A homerun was hit right out to where we were, but not quite to us, so no ball. A 9-1 win! Poor Woody ~ I only hoped he got out of there alright. In spite of all our warnings, Nige had reported that when they met up, Woody was fully dressed out in Brewers regalia. I don't think he'll ever learn! Hec and I spent a lot of it catching up on things rather than really paying attention, but unless it's playoffs or you've cut teeth going to games, most people use them to socialize as much as anything, right? And Hec and I being, well, Hec and I, there was a lot of good natured physical stuff ~ shoving, tickling, just playing around, nothing more than good platonic fun. Between hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, and so forth, we didn't need a meal, which was good. We could start the celebration a little earlier!
"So baby, where are we going?"
"To this little bar I happen to love. It's really cool. And I know the owner's dying to see you again."
"The owner's dying to. . .? Wait a minute! Max owns a bar now?"
"Yep. He retired a few years ago. Long story. Don't ask ~ me or him."
"Ok. I won't say a word."
"Great! One of my friends from work is gonna meet us there. Along with Woody."
"Woody? I get to see him again?"
"Yeah. Well, assuming that he gets out of there alive. Nigel said he was in full Brewers attire."
"Oh lord!"
"I know."
"So ~ are we still. . .?"
"Messing with him? Oh yeah. It's too easy not to! Let's go!"
It took longer than usual to find a parking space when we got to the Pogue. I think everyone in Boston was out celebrating. Yeah it was the Brewers, but it was still a win, and we were still tied for first with the Yankees! Finally I found a spot a few blocks away ~ a parallel parking spot in between a BMW and a Mercedes. Great, just great. I had trouble doing it in a tiny car, much less a large, cumbersome SUV. My idea of parallel parking is finding a long row of available spots and pulling all the way down the line to the last available spot. Hector knew it, too.
"You want me to park it baby?"
"No thank you. I'm perfectly. . . Jeeze I hate this!"
"You're doing fine. Just pull up a little farther and cut back a little more sharply."
"Shut up! You're worse than Dad when I was trying to learn to drive!"
"Alright. If you change your mind, I'll just be over here waiting. And trying not to laugh at you."
"Thanks." It took a few tries, but I finally maneuvered the tank into the spot.
"Well done!" Hec playfully grabbed for me as we got out of the car. This siblingesque picking on each other went back a long time with the two of us. When I was in LA, everyone thought we were together, but that thought never even crossed our minds. Well, at least not my mind. Hec's just a good, solid, platonic friend ~ and the big brother I never had. Well, you know what I mean. James doesn't count. Whenever someone threatened me, Hec was all over them.
Our play continued all the way to the door of the Pogue, by which point, Hector had me upside down over his shoulder. If Dad hadn't known that he was coming into town and I'd planned for us to drop in, I think he would have been worried to see a big burly guy carry me through the door that way. As it was, he spotted us and hollered hello.
"Hector Chirullo, get over here right now ~ well, without dropping my daughter on her head."
"Yes, sir." He proceeded to carry me over to the bar and plop me down right in front of Dad. "It's great to see you again, Max. It's been a long time." Hector looked at me, and I again felt slightly guilty for leaving LA without even telling my best friend.
"Welcome to Boston! Boy, you guys had quite a game to watch today! The place has been buzzing!"
"Yeah. The game was incredible. And with the Cubs beating the Yankees, we're still tied! It's amazing!!" Caught up in the excitement, I threw my arms around Dad.
"This place looks amazing, Max. It doing well?"
"Things are getting straightened out. It started a bit slow, but things are picking up."
"You should have seen this place when Dad got it! It was a mess. He did everything himself ~ well, along with a little forced labor."
"Watch it or you'll be playing bar wench for the rest of your life!"
"Ha ha! Oh, you see the fireplace? Dad found that himself when he was getting things ready to open."
"Very cool! What do you want Jordan? My treat."
"Oh no you don't. Your drinks are on the house tonight."
"Max, you really don't have to. . ."
"Nonsense. I can certainly buy the man who kept an eye on my little girl out in California a few drinks. What'll it be?"
"Two drafts?" He looked at me questioningly and I nodded. About that time, Nigel found his way over to us.
"It's about time you got here! The party's been going on for a while!"
"Yeah, well, when you drive. . ."
"Public transport, luv! It's the only way to go! Ahem, introductions?" Nige nodded towards Hector, who was collecting our beers. I motioned towards the small table in the back, just right for conversations, which was amazingly still empty. As we got there, Hector set the drinks down and turned towards Nigel, his hand held out.
"Nige, this is my friend Hector Chirullo. Hec, this is my computer guru Nigel Townsend."
"Nice to meet you man! Computer guru, huh? You gonna get this girl into the 21st century?"
"Kicking and screaming all the way. But she's learning."
"Say Nige, I see you made it out of Fenway alright, but what about. . .?"
"Woodrow? He made it out alright."
"Where is he? I know Hec wants to see him again."
"He's over there." Nigel motioned with his head towards the opposite corner of the bar where Woody sat staring dejectedly down at the table as he rolled his beer between his hands.
"He looks so pitiful! Tell him to come over here and have some fun! Hey, we've been doing it for years here in Boston when our team loses."
"Well, there's that, and then. . ."
"What?" I could tell that Nigel had more to say but wasn't sure if it was alright to talk in front of Hector. The gracious guy that he is, Hec offered to visit the facilities for a minute.
"I gotta go anyway after Cavanaugh's driving. I'll be back." I punched him on the shoulder and pointed out the door he was looking for, then motioned for Nigel to sit down.
"What's up Nige? What else happened?"
"I think Woodrow's suffering from a bad case of jealousy."
"What? But Hec and I are just friends ~ he's like my big brother and we haven't seen each other since I came back here. And I didn't exactly leave him nicely."
"Same old Jordan sends a note?"
"Yeah." I was embarrassed that Nigel knew my M.O. so well, but then again, he and Garret had been the recipients of one of those notes before.
"Jordan. . . But never mind. That's not what we're talking about here. Woody had binoculars with him."
"Well yeah, to see the game. Far left field isn't exactly ideal, though you might get the occasional long foul ball."
"It wasn't the game that had his attention most of the time."
"Huh?"
"Jordan, he managed to find the two of you and spent a good deal of time watching you rather than the game."
"He knew I had a friend coming into town."
"I think he assumed the friend was female."
"But Hec and I. . . Oh my God. He thinks we're together together?"
"I think so. And I've gotta say, luv, from what I saw when he pointed you out to me, if I was in his shoes, I'd think the same thing."
"Oh God no! Hector and I are just friends. We've always picked on each other and messed around ~ but not that way."
"It's not exactly the side of Jordan Cavanaugh I know, but I have to admit it was good to see you having fun for a change."
"You now how it is when you get pigeonholed into a certain role. I've got the dark, slightly psychotic role at the morgue here ~ I don't think Garret can see me any other way than troubled. There no one knew about my background. Hector was the detective on the first case I was assigned in LA and we just sort of bonded. I can't explain it. But I've never felt anything other than platonic love for him. Never. Sort of like you and me. We're close, but not the way most people think of when a guy and girl say they're close."
"I do understand, luv. But I don't think that Woody does. He said something about 'even after all the chili-cheeseburgers' or something like that. . ."
"Oh lord! He really bought it. Damn I feel bad now, Nigel."
"Why?"
"You remember when Woody went out to LA when he was supposed to be in Wisconsin?"
"How can I forget?"
"Ha! Anyway, he got into a bit of a mess and called me and asked for help. I knew Hec was gonna be his best shot, so I gave him Hec's number. When I said we had 'issues' I meant from the way I left. . . I'd heard from him and knew he was upset, but he understood things. And Woody jumped to conclusions and figured he was my 'angry Latino ex-boyfriend.' And I let him believe that."
"Jordan. . ."
"Well, Hec was always sort of my protector out there, not that anyone else ever knows about that ~ he just looked out for me if guys started bugging me. He had this routine about chili-cheeseburgers and how he'd been all that until I 'decided I had intimacy issues and left him.' Most of them ran, the creeps anyway. I called him to tell him that Woody would be calling, and we decided based on Woody's assumption to mess with his mind a little bit. I guess maybe we went too far." Without realizing it, my face had apparently become pensive and even sad. Hector had returned from the restroom, and he and Nigel both laid their hands on my hand. They spoke over each other so that I had to ask them to repeat themselves one at a time.
Nigel simply looked at me sadly and said, "Oh, Jordan. . ."
"Oh God Baby, if I'd known you really cared about the guy. . ." Hector, on the other hand, felt immensely responsible for the whole situation. I could tell from his voice and the look in his eyes.
"Hector, it's not your fault. I'm the one who let Woody believe. . . And anyway, I don't think I realized how much I care about him until I looked over there and saw him sitting all alone. Shit! What the hell have I done?"
"Let me go talk to him." That's Hector ~ always doing whatever he can to make things better and make me happy.
"No. Well, not alone anyway. I helped to make this mess. I should help clean it up." We walked over to the table where Woody sat. He never looked up until I was right on top of him.
"Hey Woody."
"Hey." Oh God he sounded down.
"I know that your team. . . Well, did you and Nigel have fun?"
"Oh tons Jordan. It was a barrel of laughs. Thank you so much." There was no missing the sarcasm in his voice.
"Woody, I owe you an apology."
"For what?"
"I let you make an assumption about Hector and me ~ an incorrect assumption. And I'm sorry."
"What?"
"We were never together the way you think we were. He's just a friend. A very good friend ~ like a big brother. We never did anything."
"Hard to tell that from what I saw today."
"Oh Woody, I'm so sorry. Hec and I. . .we've always been like that. Real physical with each other, but it's strictly platonic." I saw Hector moving towards us. "Don't believe me? Ask him."
"Hey man. Good to see you again." Hector held out his hand and I prayed that Woody would take it.
"Hi." Well, he did, but that was the sickest excuse for a handshake I've seen in my life.
"Man she's telling you the truth. We never had anything physical in our relationship ~ not physical that way."
"So the whole chili-cheeseburger thing?"
"A little routine I developed in LA to protect her."
"She doesn't need 'protecting' from me."
"Woody, I know that. I just thought it would be fun to mess with you a little. I had no idea that. . ."
"That what Jordan? That I care about you? Even love you? I know you say you're not good at relationships, but even reading signals? I was in idiot to think I had a chance with you. I mean, look at you ~ you're beautiful. And smart. And when you let yourself open up, more passionate and caring than anyone I've ever met in my life. And I'm just some dumb 'farm boy' from Wisconsin. Thanks, Jordan. Thanks a lot." During his speech, he got up and as he finished it, he moved towards the door and went out, letting it slam behind him.
I sank down into the chair at the table, stunned not only by his words but by my inner reaction to them. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut, the head, the heart, everywhere. I felt physically sick. What had I done?
The bar had thinned out enough that Dad heard everything that Woody said and quickly made his way to the table where I sat with Hector and Nigel standing there, not knowing what to do. I might not have said anything, but Dad could read me like a book and he knew what I'd begun to feel for Woody, even before I was ready to admit it to myself. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his.
"Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry." And he embraced me in one of his great Dad bear hugs.
"Dad, I don't know what there is to do. I really hurt him. I didn't mean to, but I did."
"Go talk to him, Jordan. Tell him how you feel. Believe me, I know how scary that is for you, but tell him everything. I've watched him for the past year and a half and in spite of your warnings and my warnings, he's fallen in love with you."
"Your warnings?"
"We can talk about that later. Jordan, he's hurting now, but if you're open and honest with him, he'll come around. This is. . . I know he will." I knew what he was going to say. This is nothing like the affair that Mom had that resulted in James. But would Woody see it the same way?
"Go on, luv. I'll entertain your friend here and get him back to your place. It'll be fun to get to know someone who knows Jordan Cavanaugh from outside the confines of the Massachusetts Medical Examiner's Office."
"Thanks Nige."
"Babe, I'm so sorry for causing this."
"It wasn't your fault Hector. I thought it would just be a joke. I never expected for him to. . . But that's a moot point now."
"If it's easier for me to stay somewhere else. . ."
"You can stay with me." Nigel finished his sentence for him. "It's not a problem at all."
"Thanks Hec. Nige. Dad."
"Now go on and get out of here." Three voices spoke in unison as they pushed me out the door.
I ran to my car and started driving to Woody's place. I just hoped that he was there. And that I wasn't too late. . .
I was about half-way to Woody's place when noticed the raindrops on the windshield. I turned on the wipers and saw a figure walking along the sidewalk. The person was hunched over, but I was pretty sure it was Woody. I slowed enough to take some time to verify that it was him, but not so much that I'd be accused of stalking if it wasn't. As the figure passed under a streetlight, there was no mistaking ~ it was Woody.
I pulled the Explorer over to the curb and cut the motor. I sat there for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts and steady my breathing. Finally, I pulled the keys from the ignition and opened the door.
"Woody!" He stopped briefly and I could see him stiffen at the sound of my voice. Then he began walking even faster than before. I slammed the door and began running towards him.
"Woody!" So much for steadying my breathing. "Woody, wait! Woody, please!"
Whether he meant me to or not, by running I quickly caught up with his in spite of his long, angry strides. I reached out a hand to touch his arm. "Woody? Please talk to me."
"About what, Jordan? You're not done making a fool of me?"
"Woody, I never meant. . ."
"Didn't your mother ever tell you about good intentions and what they pave?" He never missed a beat, just kept walking.
I stopped dead in my tracks. He'd hit a nerve. THE nerve. I felt tears instantly spring to my eyes, and they were not going to go away. Sensing that I wasn't beside him, he stopped and looked around, finding me standing there stunned. I quickly looked away to prevent him seeing how much he hurt me. But I wasn't fast enough. He saw the look of shock and pain on my face, and I could see the regret he truly felt flash onto his face.
"Jordan, I. . . Oh God, Jordan I didn't mean that."
"Yeah you did." I wasn't letting him off the hook that easily.
"What?"
"Makes sense. I hurt you, you got me back."
"No! Jordan, no. I did not mean to. . . I swear to you. It just slipped out." I just looked at him, still dumbfounded at his words. Whether he meant them to or not they'd cut deep. "Jordan, I am not into middle school games. If I meant to hurt you. . ."
"If that wasn't meant to hurt me, I wouldn't want to see what you'd do if you were trying."
"God, baby. I'm so sorry."
"Whatever." I didn't trust my voice for anything beyond that.
"Jordan, was there a reason you were following me?"
"Yeah. I wanted to talk with you. But. . ."
"So let's talk."
"I can't talk to you right now. I. . .I've got to go. Oh, and to answer your question, my mother was murdered before she got to tell me anything important like that."
I turned and ran back to the Explorer. I've never been so thankful for the remote lock thingy ~ no way could I have gotten the keys in the door on my own. Once inside, I used both hands to put the key in the ignition. The car started on the first crank, and I did at least manage to look and make sure nothing was coming before I made a completely illegal U-turn in the street. I didn't even care if I got caught.
I got to the Pogue and ran inside. Dad spotted me and came out from behind the bar. "Jordan, sweetheart, what's the matter?"
"Where's Nige? Where's Hector?"
"They went back to his place a few minutes ago. Hector was going to pay for a cab."
"I've got to get over there."
"Why? Baby, is Woody. . .?"
"I just need to see my two best friends. I. . .I can't deal with Woody right now. He. . .he said something too awful."
"What?" I could tell Dad was trying his hardest to figure out what Woody could have said that would have me hysterical.
"He asked me. . .he. . .he asked if my mother didn't tell me what good intentions paved." I heard my voice crack, and felt Dad's strong arms around me.
"Oh baby. I'm so sorry." He just held me and let me cry it out. Finally I pulled back and tried to dry my eyes with the back of my hand.
"Thanks, Dad. I just really need. . ."
"I know. Jordan, you may not see it, but those two would do anything in the world to protect you. I've known Nigel would as long as I've known him. And I don't need any proof that Hector would after. . . Go on. Just drive carefully."
"Thanks Daddy." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed out the door towards Nigel's apartment.
Max. . .
That was close. I almost mentioned the unmentionable. I watched Jordan walk out the door and hop into her SUV. Part of me wanted to hunt Hoyt down right then and there for what he said. But the rational side of me sensed that he hadn't meant to say what he did. In the heat of the moment he just wasn't thinking and it slipped out. Didn't make the words hurt any less, but it wasn't the end of the world. I knew that once Jordan calmed down she'd understand ~ she probably already did and just wasn't ready to admit it.
I wasn't overly surprised to look up about 30 minutes later and see Woody walking through the door. I waved him down to the bar, but as soon as our eyes met, he looked down. Anyone with eyes could see that he felt just awful. He sank down on the closest bar stool.
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you probably know about my extreme faux pas of a little while ago."
"You mean what you said to Jordan?"
"Yeah. Talk about foot in mouth disease."
"Woodrow, I know Jordan. I know that deep down she understands that you didn't mean it. It just came out."
"Really? It sure didn't seem like it a while ago."
"She's hurt, but she'll come through it."
"Where is she? I want to. . ."
"She went to talk with Nigel and Hector."
"Oh." At the mention of Hector's name, I could see Woody's brain click back onto the whole thing that set him off in the first place.
"Hoyt, I'm going to tell you something, man to man. And I want you to listen. And promise me that it never leaves this place. What I'm about to tell you stays between me and you. When Jordan's ready, she'll. . . Just promise me it'll stay between us."
"Ok."
He wasn't totally convinced, I could tell, but I was going to tell him exactly what he needed to know. Jordan might be furious with me, but. . .
"When Jordan moved out to Los Angeles, she didn't know anyone. You already know she doesn't trust easily ~ and that's in a place where she's comfortable. She got a loft apartment and pretty much went between there and the medical examiner's office. She met Hector while they were working on a case together. A case that got violent."
"What?"
"It was a domestic violence case ~ those have always caught her attention. Anyway, the husband was obviously guilty but was willing to do anything to keep them from proving it. He saw Jordan one time at the police station when she was bringing the autopsy file to Hector. He broke from his restraints and ran up to Jordan. He threatened her. The officers got him back in restraints, but he swore that he would get her for giving the cops the proof they needed to arrest and the D.A. the proof needed to indict and convict. No one who heard him doubted his words. But the A.D.A. couldn't convince the judge of the danger that granting bail would put Jordan and the other cops in. He hadn't had any children and the only scrapes with the police had to do with domestic violence. So he was given a low bail and was out on bond within a couple of days. As soon as Hector heard about that, he went to his supervisors and told them they needed to provide protection for Jordan. The cops could take care of themselves, but Jordan was another story. The hatred this guy had for women made her especially vulnerable. But the jerk captain was more concerned with the bottom line and said they couldn't afford that."
"Oh my God."
"So Hector decided to take things into his own hands. He went to the morgue only to find out that Jordan had gone home, not feeling well. She hadn't gotten a car yet and didn't live too far from the office, so she was walking home. Ordinarily it wouldn't have been a problem, but it was a cloudy day and dusk was falling quickly. To get to her apartment, she had to go into an alley-like courtyard. Hector followed the path he knew she'd take. When he got close to the alley/courtyard and hadn't seen her, he parked his car and jumped out. As he was getting out, he heard a scream and knew it was Jordan's voice. He ran into the darkened area and found the husband holding her against the wall at knifepoint. The guy. . .had already ripped her skirt off and was fumbling with his belt while holding the knife on Jordan's neck."
"He was going to rape her?" Woody's voice mirrored the emotions I felt when she called me from the police station. I think that was the first time I realized exactly how much he really did love my little girl. And how good he'd be for her if she'd ever break down and let him in.
"And probably carve her up afterwards, leaving her body God knows where. Whatever it took to keep her from testifying. Hector knew better than to yell, if he'd startled the guy. . . So he pulled his gun and moved as quickly and quietly as he could until he was at the guy. The first thing he did was pull the bastard's hand back and down so the knife was away from Jordan. There was a struggle, and Hector ended up shooting the guy in the leg. Jordan, meanwhile, collapsed in a shaking blob of tears. She told me later she'd never been that scared in her life."
"I can only imagine."
"Once the investigation was complete ~ it was pretty much open and shut ~ he and Jordan went to get something to eat. She wasn't really hungry, but he knew that after everything that happened she needed to get some food in her. They started talking, and this brother-sister relationship you've seen gradually developed. Jordan will never say that it was because she needed someone, but we all knew that it was based on a need for some protection. It evolved over several months, and they developed little routines. Because of his size, people either underestimate or are intimidated by him. I'm not sure how the 'chili-cheeseburger routine' as they call it developed but in the midst of this whole relationship it did. But it's all in good fun."
"Yeah. Some fun."
"Woody, I'm not sure why they decided to do it to you. I know Jordan ~ and she'll kill me if she ever finds out I told you this ~ was. . .not happy that you just up and left when you were on the DL. She understood your needing a break, but she was hurt that you left so soon after telling her. She really does care about you. Maybe she just wanted to play ~ to mess with your mind a little. I don't know, but it was nothing malicious. But I did see her mope around here while you were gone. And I did see the look on her face when you walked out earlier. She might not be willing to admit it yet, but she's falling for you."
"Really? You really think so?"
"Woody, I know Jordan. Yes, I think so. If she didn't care about you so much she would never have let herself be so affected by what you said."
"I feel like such a heel right now."
"Not a heel, just a guy who's trying to figure out how to deal with my daughter. Hoyt, you're NOT the first guy to say something insensitive to her without thinking. You're just the first I've seen she's cared who's said it."
"Do you think I should. . .?"
"I think you should wait right there, farm boy." We'd been so engrossed in our conversation that we didn't notice Jordan and Hector come in the door. We jumped at her voice and Woody slowly turned around.
Jordan walked down the steps and crossed to the bar where Woody was sitting. I couldn't be sure how much she'd heard, but her next words confirmed that she'd heard enough. "I think we need to talk, Woody. Please? There's some. . .some stuff that you probably need to know about. From my perspective." She gave me a look, but it wasn't the anger I thought I'd see. It was a fear and vulnerability I wasn't used to seeing in her eyes. But at the same time there was a strength that was pure Jordan. It was going to be hard, but she was going to do it.
"Alright." She held out her hand and Woody took it after a beat. I watched them move towards the back corner table Jordan liked so well for deep conversations. I made sure to keep an eye on them so no one disturbed them. Hector sat down in the stool Woody had occupied.
"Where's Nigel?"
"He decided this was a conversation Jordan needed to have alone. He did what he could to calm her down and realized it took someone who knew her better than he does."
"Oh. Ok."
"And Jordan said that it didn't matter. I was her friend and I could certainly stay at her place. Somehow she was going to try to make Woody understand."
"I think he will. As long as she's honest with him. He knows. . ."
"She told him about. . .?"
"I told him. He needed to know."
"Oh. Well, I'm sure she'll be ok."
"Yeah. I just hope that he doesn't do something stupid again. He really loves her and sometimes that blinds him to what he's saying. The emotions get in the way."
"Then they're a perfect couple."
"Yeah. . . Hey, you want something to drink? They might be here a while."
"Sure, a beer?"
"No problem."
I put a beer on the bar as he turned to me. "You really think she's gonna listen to him Max?"
"I don't know Hector. I hope so, but I just don't know."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ITNERLUDE
Once again the characters break out to have a conversation with the author. . . (if you're new to my fics, I tend to get silly after writing something that turns as dark as this one has...and it's usually in the form of a dialogue with me and the characters)
**NOTE: This contains references to other fics I was working on ~ "Home," "Identity," and "Causa Mortis"(a group fic I wrote on). I hope it's not too much for you to follow!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woody: Ok, what the hell is the problem? Why are you doing this to me?
What?
Woody: "Didn't your mother ever tell you. . .?" What the hell is up with that. You knew what that would do to Jordan!
Hey, I just type. You're the one who said it.
Woody: But. . . But. . .
But nothing. You had to have wanted to hurt her or you wouldn't have said it.
Woody: Well, I wasn't thrilled with the whole "let's play a joke on Woody" thing, but this is a bit extreme.
Claire: You think that's bad? You should see what she's doing with my boyfriend's head three stories down. In something she's calling "Identity."
Woody: Who the hell are you?
Claire: Claire Kincaid. I was an Assistant District Attorney in New York ~ on another show. I died, but in a lot of people's minds apparently I live on forever.
Don't forget syndication!
Claire: Oh yeah!
Woody: So why are you even here?
Jordan: Claire? Claire? Did I hear someone say Claire? Would you please explain to me who the hell she is?
Woody: I'm trying to get it out of her.
Claire: Yeah, I'm here. Do you have a problem with that?
Jordan: I just. . . Shit! You do look like me.
Claire: Oh my God.
Um y'all? You're played by the same person.
Jordan and Claire: Oh. Ok.
Claire: So why are you messing with Jack?
Woody: Who's Jack?
Jordan: What the hell did you see in him, man? He's been creeping me out. Everyone else accepted stuff before fingerprints, and even those didn't really work.
Claire: Yeah, I'm really NOT understanding that. I mean, you look like me and all that, but. . .
Woody: Wait a minute, has he been threatening you?
Jordan: I wouldn't say threatening but. . .
Woody: Hey author person! Get me three stories down ~ to that "Identity" thing. I've gotta help Jordan out.
You're there ~ by phone but you're there.
Jordan: Her name's Beth. Oh, and Woody, no offense babe, but I don't think. . .
Claire: Jack would eat you alive.
Woody: But, but. . .
Nigel: Don't worry, mate. I'm in that one and I'm looking out for her. And we're on our way back to Boston.
Woody: What? I'm so confused.
Peter: Hey! It's me, Peter. I'm only in that story you keep neglecting. "Home"? Remember that one? Anyway, I think I'm developing a straw allergy. Any chance I'm gonna get out of this Scarecrow costume any time soon?
Everybody chill! I'm doing the best I can! I've got three stories going on my own AND the group thing. It's a little much. Even without y'all popping in and giving your own commentary.
Jordan: Um, guys? You know how I get when things start going weird in my head? I think that's gonna look like a spring shower compared to what we could end up with here if you don't take some pressure off her.
Peter: But. . . Ok, ok. I'll get some Benadryl or something.
Peter, I'm getting there, I'm getting there! I promise. Just go back to the Land of Morgue!
Peter: Fine! I'm outta here.
Nigel: It's ok babe. I know you're trying the best you can. Don't worry about it ~ the train isn't that bad. Speaking of which, I think I saw an attractive young thing headed towards the snack car. I'm going to follow. Thank you my dear. Excellent choice for the train ride.
Jordan: Speak for yourself. I'm being stared at the whole time by someone who thinks I'm his dead assistant/girlfriend. In "Identity." In "Home" I'm bouncing around the woods with a scarecrow, a tin man and a lion in red stiletto Jimmy Choo boots. I'm enjoying my break from those right now. They're hot, but they hurt.
Peter: They're smoking! I swear you've got taste.
Jordan: Yeah, Peter? I've been wanting to talk with you about that one.
Peter: Why?
Jordan: Ever seen "Legally Blonde"?
Peter: Ummm. . .
Jordan: Straight guys don't know fashion!
Peter: What?
Jordan: Woody, what kind of shoes are these?
Woody: Um. . .black ones?
Jordan: Point proved.
Peter: But, but. . .Nigel, help me!
Nigel: I'm taking the Fifth. And going after that cutie in the snack car!
Claire: Wait a minute. Jack's riding in coach? You've got to be kidding me.
It's all the city would spring for on tickets for Jordan and Nigel. And he insisted on staying in the same car.
Claire: Oh.
Woody: Wait a minute. Jordan, you're in all of her stories?
Jordan: The show is called "Crossing Jordan."
Woody: Oh yeah. But. . .
Don't worry farm boy. You're in all of them too. Pretty much.
Woody: What is this obsession with "The Princess Bride" that you all have? All of you ~ the show's real writers, you, your writing buddies?
It's a wonderful movie. And, well. . .
Jordan: Beth, don't even go there. And Woody! Dude, chill out. You heard all the stuff Dad let fly about me today.
Woody: The stuff that happened in Los Angeles? Jordan, I. . .
Jordan: No one knew about that. Where the hell did it come from?
I don't know. I've been reading books from the Law section of the library and the latest book is about sex crimes.
Jordan: And you do this for fun?
Claire: You're the one who cuts up dead bodies and you're wondering about her sanity?
I'm just doing research.
Jordan: For these stories? Lot of work for something you're not getting paid for.
No, no. It just influenced them. I'm thinking about going to Law School.
Claire: Good choice. Which kind?
Not sure ~ either advocacy with something like the Moratorium Campaign. . .
Claire: My kind of girl. No wonder I decided to get in your head.
. . .Or work as a prosecutor in a Moratorium state and work my way up to working in the Special Victims Bureau.
Claire: Cool.
Woody: Can we get back to the original point of this whole thing?
Claire, Jordan and the author: Which was?
Woody: Why Beth had me say something that insensitive to you, Jordan.
Claire: Wrong one. I'm Claire.
Woody: Oh, sorry.
Jordan: Yes, oh observant one. I've got longer hair. And I smile from time to time. No offense.
Claire: None taken. I wanted to, believe me. Silly directors! And you've got a MUCH better wardrobe.
Jordan: Why thank you!
Excuse me, can we finish this up? Woody, what was the question again?
Woody: Why did I have to say something like that to Jordan?
Oh, that.
Claire: Alright. I'm leaving. But before I do. . .
No, Jordan's not going to sleep with Jack.
Jordan: Thank God!
Claire: Hey! He's. . . But ok. Good. Thank you.
No problem. Now, who's left.
Woody: Me.
Jordan: Me.
Ok. Jordan, I'm sorry that the stuff that came out did. I didn't know it was going to until Max opened his mouth.
Woody: You do realize how crazy this makes you sound, don't you.
Hey ~ read my disclaimer.
Woody: Oh.
Jordan: But how are things going to. . .
Have you read my chapters for the group fic I'm working on?
Jordan: Um, well. . . I don't remember a lot of it.
Eddie: It's ok. Come on and I'll walk you through it again.
Jordan: Where'd you come from?
Eddie: That group one ~ "Causa Mortis." I'm in the second chapter sitting with you in the hospital and talking with you.
Jordan: Oh yeah. Ok. Thanks Eddie. I guess. I mean I don't remember a lot of it. That methylhexital-scotch combo Tim had them give me really knocked me out of it. I mean, drugged scotch and a trip to Interrogation instead of the ER? What was up with that Beth?
Sorry. That wasn't my section of the story. But I got you there, didn't I.
Eddie: Yeah, with my help!
Jordan: Oh. Ok.
Woody: Wait a minute. First Hector and now Eddie and whoever this Jack guy is are all after her?
Jordan: Woody, Hector is NOT after me. Didn't you learn anything?
Woody: Oh yeah. I forgot. But that doesn't explain Eddie or this Jack guy. You know, Beth, you seem to have this thing for being difficult to guys. What's up with that?
Eddie: Hey, she's always a dream to me in her stories.
Woody: What!?!?!? Not fair!!
Hey, what can I say. I think I'm writing my dream guy when I'm writing Eddie.
Eddie: Aww. Thanks. You're making me blush!
Sorry.
Eddie: It's ok.
Woody: But. . . But. . .
Jordan: I'm outta here. Naked male insecurity really leaves me cold.
Woody: But what does he have that I don't?
Jordan: I give up. Try to talk some sense into him, will ya?
Sure thing babe. I'll do my best.
Woody: Where's she going?
One of my co-authors on the group one needs her to pick up where I left off in my latest addition to that one due out sometime shortly I think. Don't worry. She'll be back.
Woody: Oh. Ok. But. . .
Don't worry. Things will work out as they're meant to.
Woody: Even with this Jack guy?
Hey, I think you're going to like how that turns out ~ even if you were an insensitive jerk earlier today.
Woody: Really?
Yeah. You might even get a bit of a backbone.
Woody: Hey! I've got a backbone. Sort of.
Yeah. Right. You got beat up by a girl!
Woody: That was not my idea. That was Tim's.
Yeah, yeah. Look I do what needs to be done. You're gonna be fine. Just relax.
Woody: I don't know. . .
Hey, dude! Have I ever let you down before?
Woody: No, I guess not.
Alright then. Are you going to let me get back to my stories?
Woody: I suppose so. I'm still not happy with the whole "didn't your mother ever tell you. . ." line. But if you're going to work things out. . .
Hey, you're talking to her in the back corner of the Pogue. That's gotta be a good sign. Trust me.
Woody: Alright. Happy writing.
Hector: Come on my man. I'll buy you a chili-cheeseburger!
Woody: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks dude! Happy playing!
. . .and now back to your regularly scheduled story. . .
Concurrent with Max and Woody's conversation at the Pogue. . .
After I left the Pogue I drove straight to Nige's place. I grabbed the door as someone was leaving and ran up the stairs. When I got to his door, I pounded on it.
"Nigel! Open the door! Now!"
The door swung open, and Nigel and Hector just looked at me. My tear-streaked face told them something had happened. Nigel quickly ushered me inside.
"Jordan, what is it? What's wrong?" Nigel was concerned. He'd seen me lose it before, but tears were something new.
"Woody." I couldn't hide the misery in my voice no matter how I tried.
"What about him? Did he hurt you?" Hector looked at me and I knew what he was thinking.
"Not like you're thinking. He. . .he. . .he said. . ." I couldn't even say it again.
"He what, Jordan? What did he say?" Nigel was holding my upper arms and trying to look into my eyes.
"Oh my God." Hector correctly judged that there was only one other thing that could have me this upset. "He played the 'mother card' didn't he?"
"The what?" Nigel was confused. I looked at Hec and nodded my head.
"Oh my God. That little. . ." I could tell Hector was about to lose it. "And after I bothered trying to save his ass in LA. . ."
"Excuse me, would someone please explain what happened? I'm a bit in the dark here." I looked at Nigel then and realized that he was clueless. I put out a hand to try and calm Hector, then took a deep breath and said a quick prayer that my voice would work.
"I told him we never meant for him to get hurt and I was starting to explain about the 'game' we always played with guys in LA." I stopped, swallowed hard, and took another shaky breath. "He looked at me, right at me, and said, 'didn't your mother ever teach you what good intentions pave?'"
"Oh my God." Nigel was speechless. "Why would he. . .?"
"To hurt me. To hurt me as much as I hurt him."
"Come on, baby. Let's get out of here." Hector grabbed my keys from my hand and was moving towards the door.
"Hector, no! What are you gonna. . .?" I didn't even want to think about it.
"You and me are gonna have a little chat. A chat I should have had with you a long time ago." I just looked at him. For once in my life I had no idea what he was going to do.
"But what about Nigel?" I didn't want to just leave him after all his kindness.
"Don't worry about me love. I'll be fine." His eyes were trying their hardest to convince me of his sincerity. "Jordan, it's ok. Go."
Reluctantly I followed Hector out the door and to my Explorer. The sky was still spitting rain ~ still trying to decide if it wanted to pour or just sprinkle. I got in the passenger side and waited for Hector to tear into me.
"Jordan, baby, I know what he said hurt you. But I don't think he meant it."
"Yeah he did."
"Alright, maybe he did at the time. But baby girl, anyone with eyes can see how much he loves you."
"Ya think?"
"Yeah. I do. He's hurting and he unconsciously lashed out at you. Baby, don't hold a grudge against the guy. Give him a chance."
"Why should I?"
"Because you love him too."
"Excuse me?"
"Chica, I've known you for a while. And I've seen you through. . ." I could tell he was afraid to finish the sentence.
"The second darkest place I've been in my life?"
"Yeah." He looked at me sadly for a minute. "I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner."
"Hey, lucky for me he had trouble getting. . . Never mind. You stopped it, and that's what matters." I reached over and patted his leg reassuringly, trying to give him a smile.
"Does he know about it?"
"Woody?"
"Yeah."
"No! Why would I. . .?"
"Jordan, baby, I've seen you go through guys like nothing. There's a different look in your eyes when it comes to Woody. And a different tone in your voice. I don't know how he's done it, but he's gotten inside your head and inside your heart."
I just sat there staring at him. How did Hector know me better than I knew myself?
"Baby, you've got to talk to him. Tell him everything." I must have looked like I was about to have a massive panic attack, because Hec reached over and hugged me close for a second. "You don't have to tell him everything right away. But baby, he needs to know."
"But nothing. . ."
"Jordan, I'm not talking about diseases or anything here. I know the lowlife scum didn't get that far. I'm talking about what's in here." He jabbed a finger at my temple. "And what's in here." And another jab, this time at my chest in the vicinity of my heart. "You can't keep people locked out forever."
"But what if he. . ."
"If he leaves you for something that wasn't your fault, that's his problem. Jordan, it's time for you to grow up. You act like you're so tough, that nothing can hurt you. Baby, you can't live all closed up like that. I know life has hurt you. I know you didn't get dealt a fair hand. Hell, losing your mother at 10. . .I can't even imagine. But you can't let that cripple you for the rest of your life. Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to live all closed up like this. You've got to open up to someone! I wish to God I could be the person you'd let in ~ and I know a whole shipload full of guys who feel the same way. But the bottom line is, Woody's the one who's penetrated your heart. And I'm not going to sit by and watch you screw up what could be the best thing in your life ~ the one person who could be, no I take that back, who in all likelihood IS your soul mate. I will not do it. If it means I have to force you to talk with him at gunpoint. . . Ok, maybe I won't go that far. But baby girl, there's a time when we all have to grow up. And for you that time is now!"
Hec started the engine and pulled away from the curb, tires squealing as he went.
"Where are we going?"
"We're gonna start at your dad's bar. I've got a wild hunch that Woody might have gone back there looking for you to apologize."
I flopped back in my seat, not at all pleased with the turn of events. But. . .maybe he did have a point.
And then we got to the Pogue. Hector let me out and went to park the car. I was sort of surprised that he trusted me to go in, but at some point on the way over I fully decided he was right. Woody had squirmed his way into my heart. And after everything he'd done for me he deserved to know the truth.
I saw Woody at the bar with Dad leaning over talking to him. They didn't see me come in. I couldn't hear their words, but I knew from the look on their faces. . .I knew what Dad was telling him.
Hector came in behind me and stopped.
"Dad's telling him."
"You have supersonic ears now too?"
"No, Hec. Look at their faces." He did.
"Oh. I see what you mean."
"So why should I even bother?"
"Jordan. . ." I looked at him, trying to be defiant. But I could tell it wasn't working. "Baby, I don't care if he reads the police report out in LA. He needs to hear it from you. But more than that, you need to tell it."
"But. . ."
"Baby, it's not going to go away. I know you. Those nightmares aren't all about your mother. I know why you're afraid of thunderstorms. I was there. I know. But the man who needs to know doesn't have a clue."
"Ok." I could tell he wasn't going to let me get out of it, so I gave in. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would be easier if I told someone. If I told Woody.
I tried to decide what to do ~ should I walk over there or say something first? Then Woody gave me my opening. He'd looked at Dad and started to ask, "Do you think I should. . .?"
I grabbed the chance, somewhat to my surprise. "I think you should wait right there, farm boy."
I walked down the steps and over to the stool where Woody sat. Tentatively I put a hand on his shoulder to ensure his eyes on me.
"I think we need to talk, Woody. Please?" His eyes were full of questions. He wanted some kind of reassurance. And yet wanted to comfort me ~ to make everything alright. If only he could. . . "There's some. . .some stuff that you need to hear. From my perspective."
I looked at Dad, trying to let him know that I knew he'd told Woody, but that it was ok. I understood why. I don't know if he got it, but he held my gaze and slowly nodded.
Woody just looked at me for a minute, then he finally acquiesced. "Alright. Where do you want to go?"
I held out my hand and waited. Woody looked at it, then in my eyes, and finally put his hand in mine. I looked around trying to find a table. There it was. The table in the back corner that I loved so much. Slowly, I led him to it, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to say. And I said a quick prayer that he'd understand.
When we reached the table, I sat down in the chair in the corner. This was gonna be one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my life. And by sitting in the corner, where I couldn't easily jump up and run out, I was committed to saying what needed to be said ~ or just sitting there for an interminable amount of time. I think Woody understood ~ he must have seen the vulnerability I was showing just by my seat choice. Rather than fully pen me in on one side, he chose the chair directly across from me.
I briefly wished I'd thought to get us some drinks, but oh well. There was no way I was going to be allowed back down at the bar, and no way was Woody going to leave me alone with the chance to run, and no way I wanted a server coming around. I think Dad must have told them to leave us alone because none of them bothered us.
I took a deep breath and prepared to open my mouth.
"Woody, it may not look like it, but in the time that I've known you, I've. . ."
"Jordan, I am so sor-. . ."
"Woody, I don't want to cut you off, but I need to tell you some stuff. And if I don't do it now, I never will. Ok?"
"Ok." He looked across the table at me.
"Woody, I think I've. . .I've. . ." Breathe, Jordan. "Woody, I love you. And frankly it scares the shit out of me. Falling in love isn't safe. And I hate not being safe. But it's happened and there's nothing I can do about it." Damn, that sounded clinical. He seemed to be taking it all in stride. I never told a man I loved him before. . . Maybe this was going to be easier than I thought.
"And I guess there are some things you really need to know."
"Jordan you don't. . ."
"Please? If I don't say this now, I might never say it. I need to put everything on the table now. Before. . .well, just before." Woody only closed his mouth and waited for me to finish. Maybe this wasn't going to as easy as I thought.
"I know Dad just told you one of them, but. . .there's more." Even though he knew about LA, his eyes were filled with such love ~ love like I'd never seen before. Using that to help me summon all my strength, I started to tell my story.
"I'm not going to start with when I was 10 because you know what happened then."
"I'd like to hear it from you." His eyes and his voice were so tender I couldn't resist him.
"Ok. It was a week after my birthday. We had breakfast and Dad walked me to school on his way to work. I had these new shoes Mom gave me for my birthday the week before. New saddle shoes. The white was so clean. I was so proud and so happy to be walking to school holding my Dad's hand. While I was in class, I heard something in the hall and saw the principal and a police officer. They came into my classroom. I knew they were there for me. I though it was Dad. Father Dyer didn't tell me anything other than the officer needed to take me home. They left bad news for parents to deliver. The officer walked me home, but the closer we got, the more panicked I became. I broke out of his hand and ran towards the house, screaming for Mom. She would tell me everything was alright. I got in the living room and stopped. There were people everywhere, and even though it was cold, especially for mid-September, all the windows were open. Mom was lying on the floor, blood pooled around her shoulder. I've never seen red like that. I knew she was dead. I could see everyone's breath but hers.
"I screamed for Dad and saw him in the kitchen surrounded by officers. I could see her blood on him, but I knew it had to be because he'd come home and found her. He'd never do anything to hurt her. I screamed for him. But they wouldn't let him come to me. He yelled my name and told them to let him go to me. But they wouldn't. I watched as they put him in handcuffs and led him away. Then Malden," I shuddered at the name, "took my hand and put me in another squad car and walked me into Children's Services. I stayed in a 'transition house' for a day before they finally got around to giving Dad the paperwork to sign so I could stay with my friend Kim. After a couple of days, they finally decided they didn't have enough evidence to hold Dad so they let him go and I got to go home. It was just Dad and me after that, but we did... ok."
I looked up at Woody to see how he was taking all this. He seemed fine, but I hadn't even started. What to tell him next? I wasn't spilling everything this time, but there were things he needed to know.
"From the time I was about 12 I wanted to be a heart surgeon. I graduated from Tufts and then went on to Med School. I got into a top-notch cardio-thoracic residency at Boston U Medical Center. Then one day I assisted on a surgery, and the patient died. It wasn't my fault, but I knew that the surgeon, the head of my program, the best in the field, had made a mistake. That's when I met Garret for the first time. He was trying to find out what happened for the woman's husband. He wanted me to tell what I knew. At first, in our M and M conference, I lied and said I didn't see anything. I was just a new and lowly resident after all. But a couple of days later I changed my mind. I went to the chief of surgery and told him that I thought a mistake had been made. The tissue he went for was too damaged. Even I saw that. The woman's husband filed a lawsuit against the doctor. And the chief cardio resident saw to it that funding for the residency program was 'cut.' He used the excuse of 'last one hired' and then assured me he'd have me blacklisted so I could never get into any surgical residency program again. My dreams were shattered.
"Later that night, Dad tried to get me to see some reason. Life was not over. There would be a program somewhere I could get into. But I didn't want to hear it." My courage was beginning to falter but the ghost of a smile on Woody's face kept me going.
"I. . .I had a prescription for some sleeping pills. Pretty standard for new residents who get really long, off-beat hours. While Dad was refilling our glasses with scotch, I opened the bottle and poured them into my hand. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. Not consciously anyway. I tossed them all in my mouth and swallowed. Then followed it up with a nice swig of scotch. A few seconds later when I started to go up to my room, I collapsed. Dad called 911 immediately and got me to the hospital. Ironically, they took me to BUMC where my former chief resident was on call in the ER and happened to be the one who took my case. Dad tells me that at one point they lost me and had to shock my heart back into rhythm. Obviously I made it." I tried to laugh, but when I looked up at Woody, he wasn't laughing. Another deep breath and I continued.
"The next day, the jerk had the nerve to come in and see me. Well, as attending, he did have to check up on me. But he said he'd thought things out and cooled down and there was a space for me, so I needed to hurry up and get well because he had a full surgical schedule. The night before, I would have jumped at the chance, but something changed. I turned him down. I didn't know what I was going to do, but somehow I found my way to the Medical Examiner's office and Garret hired me pretty much on the spot. 'Somehow I have a feeling you'll liven up the joint,' were his words I think. Little did he know. . ."
Woody seemed to be holding up alright with all these revelations. And amazingly, I found that the more I talked, the stronger and more confident I felt. Yeah, these were things that happened to me, but they were in my past. Suddenly they didn't feel like the monsters I had let time and my mind turn them into. Yes, they shaped who I was and how I worked, but I didn't have to give into the prison their memories provided. I realized that I really did love Woody. And since he was still sitting there ~ he hadn't run away in disgust at any rate ~ he obviously loved me. Now if we were going to have a chance, he had to understand. It surprised me ~ seeming so out of the character, this persona I'd created for myself ~ but at the same time it felt so right. Another deep breath. . . It was time to get into the harder stuff.
"You already know a little about my history. Issues come up that...bring up my mother's death and I end up getting fired. Well, about 6 years ago it happened the first time. I. . ." Did I really want to go there? Well, if I was going to tell him everything. . . Alright, deep breath.
"I had an affair with a married man. His wife found out and she called me. She asked me what I was doing with her husband. I hung up on her and freaked out. I ran. Not far, just to family. But I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I sent Garret a letter saying I needed some time off, but. . . About a week later, I came back and went back to work in the morgue. Things were going to be ok, or so I thought. I was wrong. There was a domestic violence case that came in and landed right on my desk. I was next up. The way she was killed. . .just. . .everything. Something snapped and I started having nightmares. I stopped sleeping altogether. At the time I wasn't letting myself identify it, but now I know. . . My mother cheated on Dad more than just the time with Malden. I remember when I found out. I went downstairs thinking it was Daddy, but there was a Yankees cap on the table ~ and we do NOT under any circumstances root for the Yankees in our house. I heard them ~ my mother and this. . .this man, I don't know who he was. I just knew it wasn't safe to love anyone. But what did I go and do? I went right down the same path and helped to break someone else's heart. I couldn't face it ~ what I'd done. I couldn't face myself. That's why I ran. It's probably why I went over the edge so quickly when I got back. I thought I was becoming my mother. I forced Garret to fire me ~ he didn't have a choice.
"I bounced around for a while. First Chicago, then Atlanta, Denver, and finally Los Angeles. That's where I met Hector. He was a detective. My first solo case with the department, I got called to a house one day for a DV case. The police were 98% sure they had the right guy ~ the husband. I just had to give them the other 2% they'd need. It was vicious. Made what happened to Nicole and Ron ~ the OJ trial? ~ look like child's play. I've never gotten sick at a crime scene before, but that one almost did me in. Blood everywhere. It took me about an hour in autopsy and I had the proof they needed. The SOB had killed her, let her lie in her own blood and then raped the body.
"I took the files down to Hector directly. There was no way we were gonna screw this case up. The ADA had just given the go ahead to formally arrest the creep. I was there when the officers were leading him down the hall to booking. I don't know how he did it, but somehow he got away from them. The incompetent idiots had only cuffed his hands in the front of his body ~ no shackles. He ran up to me and shoved me up against the wall. I can still hear his voice. . .'I'll get you for this you scrawny bitch. No woman's gonna prove anything against me.'" I shuddered as the memory flooded back.
"Hector was there and immediately shoved him against the opposite wall and held him until the uniforms were able to shackle him. The ADA at the station saw everything. But at the arraignment, he couldn't convince the idiot judge to set a high bail. The SOB had no kids, and other than some DV cases involving the now-deceased wife, there was nothing in his file. He was one of those 'respected businessmen' who's only respected because everyone else is threatened by him. The ADA told the judge about what happened in the station, but he wouldn't listen. The idiot granted him a ridiculously low bail and the guy was out in a matter of hours.
"Hector went straight to the chief of police and told him they had to provide some protection for me. The scumbag knew who I was and it wouldn't be that hard for him to track me down. Hec and at least a dozen other people including the ADA heard him threaten me. But the chief wouldn't listen. They were under a mega-tight budget and he 'couldn't spare any officers from the streets' or ask any of them to volunteer for extra time without pay. Hector stared him down and said that he'd do it then, no matter what it took. He walked out of the building and headed straight for the ME's office.
"After everything that had happened, I was way too shaky to do anything, and my boss, in an inexplicable fit of niceness agreed to let me go home. I didn't have a car when I moved to LA. I'd found a loft close to the office so I could walk. If it was really bad weather I could always take the bus or call a cab. That afternoon the sky was so dark ~ we were in for a big storm. But no bus was in sight so I decided I'd just risk it. If I got wet, I got wet. Odds were that with all the buildings around me, lightning wouldn't touch me anyway. So I walked towards my building. It was a great place except for one thing. The entrance was off a courtyard and to get into it, I had to go through this 'alley' that was dim even in the best lighting conditions.
"Since I'd left early, nobody had called me to tell me that the guy was out on bail, so I wasn't overly concerned walking up to my building. As far as I knew he was safely tucked away in the county jail. I went into the alley and immediately someone pushed me up against the wall. I got one good scream out before he had a knife to my throat. 'See bitch? I told you I was going to get you. No way some woman's going to be my downfall.' I was too terrified to speak. At first I thought he was just going to kill me, but then he ripped my skirt off and jammed his hand. . . " I broke off, not really wanting to complete that sentence. The memories were almost too much ~ I could still feel the steel of the blade on my throat, his hot breath on my face, his hand. . . Woody reached over and took my hands, which I didn't realize were trembling until I felt the steadiness of his own. He didn't have to say anything. That gesture told me all I needed to know. I swallowed hard and continued. . .
"About that time the bottom fell out of the sky ~ thunder and lightning like I've never experienced before or since. The pelting hail and rain only added to my fear. I tried to scream again, but as soon as I opened my mouth, he pressed the knife into my throat. Not enough to cut me, but enough to make his point. 'You try that again bitch and I'll slit your throat all the way through.' I froze. With the knife on my neck there was no way I was going to try any self-defense moves. I decided to give in without giving in. Maybe if I just let him . . .maybe then he'd go away. He undid his belt and was working on his pants ~ thank God for button-fly jeans. I thought I saw someone moving in the shadows, but I didn't know if it was just a trick my mind was playing on me or someone there to help him or what. The SOB got distracted because he, well, he couldn't. . .
"I felt the hand holding the knife at my throat relax a little in his distraction, and in that split second Hector was at his side bending the arm holding the knife backwards until the grip released and the knife clattered to the cement. He jerked the creep backwards away from me and they struggled. I slid to the ground and curled into a ball. Everything that almost happened hit me and I burst into tears. At the same time I heard a gun fire and screamed for Hector. I didn't know who was hit. Hector moved over to me quickly, keeping an eye on the husband. He pulled me into his arms assured me that he was ok, he'd gotten the guy in the leg and he wasn't going anywhere. He said over and over again that I was going to be ok. Things were going to be fine. I tried to believe him.
"He radioed for a squad car and an ambulance and they arrived within seconds. They took the husband to the hospital where he was placed under 24-hour maximum-security watch. Unfortunately for him, he survived. He managed to end up with one of the stronger sentences handed down. Consecutive sentences. I don't have to worry about him for a long, long time.
"Hector took me to the hospital to be checked over, just to be sure. Once I was released, we went back to the station to give our statements. My cell phone rang while I was there. Dad got one of those gut feelings to call me. I'd pulled myself together until I heard his voice and I lost it. I mean lost it. Finally Hector took the phone and talked with him. After he finished talking, he gave the phone back to me. Dad assured me that it wasn't my fault. Then he said he was going to get on the first flight he could out to LA just to make sure I was alright ~ one of those Dad things. I agreed and said good-bye.
"Hector took charge and decided that I was NOT going to stay by myself that night, and it was fine. I didn't want to. But I wanted. . .no, I needed to go to my place. I felt safer there with my own stuff. He said that was fine. We walked out to his car and he stopped for Chinese on the way ~ said he was going to make me eat so I'd better tell him what I liked. We ended up with sweet and sour chicken, General Tsao's chicken, and orange beef complete with egg rolls, rice, and fortune cookies. We spent the night just talking. Another storm blew up and I freaked out again at the first clap of thunder. Hector just grabbed me and held me and wouldn't let me go. All night he held me. That was the beginning of our friendship. And it's only gotten stronger through the years. But it's only friendship.
"After that I was. . .I really didn't want anything to do with men in general. That's when Hector started the routine you heard ~ 'you should have seen me before she chewed me up and spit me out . . . it starts with one chili-cheeseburger man. . .' ~ and it worked for a lot of them. There were a few ~ Tyler among them ~ who weren't so easily deterred. But I never opened up to them ~ not like this. They never knew. . ."
I still had more to tell him, but by that point I was emotionally exhausted. I took a deep breath and looked tentatively at Woody. He squeezed my hands and smiled.
"Jordan? It's ok. It's going to be alright. I'm not going to leave you. Hector and Max were. . .are right. What happened was not your fault."
"But I should have known. . ."
"You just said you didn't know he'd gotten and made bail."
"But if I'd just waited for the bus. It did look like serious rain after all. If I'd done that then. . ."
"Did the bus or a cab go into your courtyard?"
"No."
"So you would have had to walk through the alley anyway, right?"
"Yeah. But if I hadn't been so bent on making sure that. . ."
"Jordan, from what you told me ~ and what Max told me earlier ~ the guy was sick. There was nothing you could have done. It was not your fault. It wasn't."
"How can you sit here holding my hands after everything I've told you. . .?"
"Jordan, what you told me is in your past. It's made you who you are. The woman I've fallen in love with. Nothing's going to change that. I wish to God I could. I wish I could take away all your pain. But I can't. But I can promise you one thing. I'm not going anywhere." He squeezed my hands again and pulled me closer to his face.
"Jordan, look at me." I brought my eyes up until they met his. "I am not going anywhere. I love you, Jordan Cavanaugh. I love you."
And he leaned forward and kissed me gently, but firmly on the lips. I felt myself respond and relax into the kiss. We lingered there for a minute, and then Woody pulled me to my feet.
"How about we go get your friend, grab some food, and go back to your place? I'm starved and I'd like to get to know Hector a little better. He seems like a really good guy."
"He is." I looked at Woody for a minute and saw a brief flash of jealousy pass over his face. Oh well, I guess there's always going to be some naked male insecurity that's got to be dealt with. "And so are you." I reached up and kissed him quickly.
We walked down to the bar and I threaded my arm through Hector's. "Wanna get some food? Woody here would like to get to know you a little better. I know it's late, but. . .maybe some Chinese and conversation at my place?"
"Sounds great. Let me just pay my tab and. . ." Hector started to reach for his wallet.
"Now you put that away. It's on the house." Dad was grinning at Hector. He looked at me questioningly. I pulled free of Woody's arm, hopped up on the bar and threw my arms around Dad's shoulders.
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, baby. Call me tomorrow?"
"Will do." Woody helped me off the bar and took my hand in his. Hector walked next to me. Right as we got to the door, the sky decided what it wanted to do. A huge flash of lightning lit up the sky followed by a spectacular clap of thunder. I shrieked and jumped and turned instinctively into Woody, seeking some type of protection.
"Oh, Jordan. It's going to be ok." Woody stroked my back. He lowered his head and whispered into my hair, "I'm not going to leave you alone. I promise."
Hector offered to go and get the car, but I stopped him. I looked at the two men standing there with me ~ one my best friend in all the world, the other the man I loved more than anything else in the world. After a minute, I grinned at them, grabbed their hands, and said, "Nah! Let's run for it!" After all, I had everything I needed right there.
. . .to be continued MAYBE for an epilogue. . .
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